About Remedy Woman
I am a survivor of early childhood trauma ~ several family bereavements, along with my dad having wartime PTSD. My family did not know how to process their trauma, so it was just papered over, the extent of it buried in incomprehension.
My path to recovery
I always knew the story of what happened in my family, but it took me decades to understand the impact on me, especially my attachment style, and what to do to heal that. Family members would get concerned about me obsessing about things, while also being dreamy. But in fact, that dreaminess allowed me to touch my pain while still feeling safe.
I have learned gradually how to resolve it and become more focussed in the here and now. I have done extensive healing work to release the trauma and move forward in my life.
I can help others who were wounded in similar ways to me, who know their stories but are mystifyingly still stuck, retrieve their sense of wholeness, energy and clarity. I worked for 5 years with vulnerable adults at a holistic mental health non-profit and 15 years as a healer.
With my MA in Art History, I have taught courses in women’s studies and history. I have thought a lot about how family history and also our society sets us up to behave in ways that keep us in a semi traumatized state, revved up and unhealed, paralyzed and looking out, rather than able to relax and heal through looking in and hearing our inner guidance, connecting with our inner sources of resilience and wisdom. I make healing remedies at different phases of the moon, which support us in our healing process.
I have learned that when we step back to heal ourselves, we help heal all those we come into contact with, by helping them make the similar switch.
Healing happens! Both physically and emotionally
My healing journey is 20 years long and has had several chapters. However a wonderful part of learning to follow my inner child’s guidance has been not only emotional healing, but also regaining my physical health. While I have enjoyed overall good health, including having been a high-level rower for 12 years when younger, I also struggled with:
- My chronic exhaustion that was caused by years stress that affected my hormone balance. I had blamed myself for being exhausted for many years, not knowing my hormones were off!
- I had never known that being on the pill in my early 30s, could have messed with my hormones in a way that would cause exhaustion in me 20 years later
- I never knew that the stress for me of my father’s decline and death, also in my early 30s, also depleted my hormone production.
Not really attending to these symptoms but instead forging ahead with having kids in my 40s and generally doing too much, all led up to me just soldiering on feeling exhausted… and then developing health problems that needed surgery as I turned 50. Although I also did lots of healing (and I mean meditating and inner journeying in every spare moment) to release my fear at my family history with reproductive cancer, during that scary year that I had surgery for uterine polyps and fibroids, even then I was still not out of the woods.
Three years later, I still struggled with similar symptoms. But by this time, I believed it was due to menopause made more intense by my attunement to social justice issues due to teaching women’s studies, doing environmental activism and working with homeless people. Undoubtedly those contributed because after simplifying my approach to work, things improved for me. Yet even then, I still struggled with that awful, detestable exhaustion… the bane of my existence!~ and yet even then would never have bothered getting the help I needed, thinking even WITH all the healing I had done that it was just “my path”. But finally I complained to my Naturopath, and she had me tested.
It turned out that I had been running completely on empty hormonally: due to that prolonged stress, my cortisol levels which started at the low end of normal each morning, flatlined by lunchtime every day. I was shocked by how I could hardly carry out the Naturopath’s test kit instructions, which I was supposed to do at home, starting on a particular day in my cycle. Literally, terror and confusion would strike every time I just did a small saliva spit test (but I had to record the time… just after waking… and find time to follow through in one day of recording spit sessions… Aargh).
Could you believe that it took me an entire year including storing half completed spit attempts in the little vials in the freezer for months, for me actually to complete the test in what I felt would be a good enough way to get trustworthy test results? Well, it did. Because it cost several hundred dollars and had to be posted to a lab in the US, let alone being about measuring my feminine hormone levels and all the freight of fear I had around that from my family cancer history… I was astounded at how much fear of failure I had around this supposedly simple exercise. What if I did the measurements wrong and the results were inaccurate. For months I couldn’t do it properly, or just avoided it altogether. During which I waded through (ridiculous?) mortification… at how much terror I had to release, terror that left me feeling stupid and discombobulated. Though, compassionate towards myself when I would get moments of insight. When I shared these surprisingly intense feelings with the Naturopath, she was very reassuring about this being a part of this kind of process. Yet when the results finally arrived, the Naturopath said she was shocked at how unbalanced the hormones were. She started me on natural hormone therapy immediately, and explained how the prolonged stress of being habituated to grieving and fear (due to still carrying the PTSD from my childhood as well as from my mother’s illness), plus taking the pill, had led to this. This all finally made the difference. Perhaps from having felt and released my toxic mix of shame and terror as well, my symptoms of exhaustion resolved.
And that is just one example of healing that has happened for me personally, after years of doing healing on what I always knew the issues were, and getting big breakthroughs for years, each of which was incredibly important! It mattered that I kept going til the end of all this, even though it seemed endless til I got there.
Well, I’m runnin’
I’m tryin’ to make 100
99 and 1/2, it won’t do
I’m runnin’, runnin’ for freedom y’all
Cause 99 and 1/2 just won’t do
Now, if your God won’t help you
You better try mine
My God is a freedom God
He’ll make a way for you,